To Whomever It May Concern:
by Zunurina
Summary: 'There are times when running a top secret military base involves making base-wide announcements. But why do all of the SGC's announcements involve the General's head hitting the desk' Inspired by "From the Desk of Nick Fury".
1. Chapter 1

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

From here on out all weapons are prohibited in the cafeteria. This includes non-lethal weapons and food fights. Also, Zat'nik'tel wars are to be kept offworld unless otherwise notified by a superior officer. This does not include Colonel O'Neil.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	2. Chapter 2

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

Whoever switched the coffee with decaf is politely reminded that caffeine withdrawal is not something we appreciate at the SGC. Dr. Jackson has been unable to distinguish the difference between Latin and English and cannot currently be spoken too. Captain Carter has holed up in her office and refuses to share what little caffeine she has stored or touch the sunlight. Colonel O'Neill has displayed an amazing ability to fall asleep anywhere (line in the mess, debriefings, weapons training, walking through the Gate, etc.).

You will be given three days to replace the supply. No questions; no disciplinary action. Extreme measures will be taken if you do not comply.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	3. Chapter 3

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

Sugar cookies are banned from the mess. There will be no discussion.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	4. Chapter 4

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

Yes, this is in fact a United States Air Force base. Yes, The United States Air Force does employ dogs in the service. No, we are not getting one. End of discussion.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	5. Chapter 5

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

I would like to take this moment to extend my deepest thanks and gratitude to all who have worked to keep this base operational in the past year. Your time and sacrifices have not gone unnoticed.

That being said, the MWD has also not gone unnoticed and Colonel O'Neill would be wise to send it back to its original owner. There simply isn't room or time for a dog in this base despite how well trained and useful a detection/protection dog would be. Send it back. Or I will.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	6. Chapter 6

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

Whoever has littered the base with Halloween decorations may take them down.

Immediately.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	7. Chapter 7

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

In light of the recent "accident" involving Colonel O'Neill and his newly acquired pet rock, I would like to inform all personnel that the Colonel has been very ill and is currently under the influence of prescribed drugs and resulting delusions. I have posted additional guards, though if anyone should find him outside the infirmary without an assigned escort, kindly take him to the nearest elevator and send him down. Chocolate cake and two purple balloons should be enough to coax him into it.

Should he make it to the surface or to the open Stargate, all personnel are too cease what they are doing and join the resulting manhunt.

Also, any video or pictures taken during this time are to be surrendered to me. I will have a compilation made and copy discs will be handed out.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Two things!

Firstly: I completely forgot to put a disclaimer at the beginning sooooo... I hereby declare that I do not own anything involving Stargate, except for my DVD's.

Secondly: Thank y'all for the reviews. I seriously thought no one would bother. And many of you have pointed out my glaringly obvious slip up with Hammond's rank. Thanks for letting me know. I totally wasn't paying attention. I'll go back and fix it all up once I've got a little extra time. Thanks again y'all!

* * *

><p>Maj. General George S. Hammond<p>

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

When under alien influence Colonel O'Neill is no longer allowed any form of sugar or caffeine unless prior permission is given by myself or someone appointed by me. No promise or threat that he can concoct will begin to match the horror of what I have planned for anyone that caves into his demands.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Ok, I **think **I fixed Hammond's rank. Yell at me if y'all catch anything else.

Hey, would anyone be interested in an Atlantis version of this? I was at work this morning and had an idea for a few "announcements" from Weir. Anyone interested?

Thanks again for the reviews y'all. Means a lot to me.

* * *

><p>Maj. General George S. Hammond<p>

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

Just because Colonel O'Neill says its ok does not automatically make it ok. "It" can be applied to –among others– the following things:

**1)** Introducing Teal'c to the local heavyweight boxers.

**2)** Making faces at Dr. Fraiser through the observation window while she performs delicate surgery.

**3)** Training demos in the local supermarket.

**4)** Using the dialing computers for videogame wars.

Also, Captain Carter is also no longer allowed to carry a taser at night. She's jumpy enough.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


	10. Chapter 10

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

The next time someone tries to dump unwanted pumpkins on the Tok'ra, consider telling them that not all gifts must be an exchange. The lunch ladies are swimming in some form of foreign fruit and I can't donate excess to the homeless citizens of Colorado Springs because each fruit looks like a [_this word was censored due to regulations_] statue of the [_this word was censored due to regulations_] Stargate!

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Post script note:

All personnel are to receive extra fruit allowances.


	11. Chapter 11

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

SG Teams and Participating Civilians

Stargate Command Center

Cheyenne Mountain

Colorado Springs, Colorado

To Whomever It May Concern:

As we are soon to face yet another inspection, December 1st will be an official cleaning day. All offices, rest rooms, recreation rooms, personnel quarters, control rooms and hallways will be scrubbed clean. Dr. Jackson's office will be taken apart and completely remodeled. Anything extra will either be thrown out or taken to off-base accommodations. You will not be reimbursed for anything thrown away, accidentally or otherwise.

Maj. General George S. Hammond

Stargate Command


End file.
